My first blog, thoughts on the 9/11 anniversary

Well, I have been thinking a lot about the upcoming anniversary of the horrible tragedy at what is now known as "Ground Zero", the twin towers, on 9/11/01. This coming weekend, it will be the ten year anniversary. TEN YEARS. Has it been that long? ALREADY? Wow, where has my life gone? It seems like only yesterday, I was at work at our grooming shop. I had run my car on empty to get to work on time, I figured I would stop at the Speedway station across the street after work. So my sister and myself are taking in dogs for the day, I believe she was out at the front desk, I was grooming a dog, and watching the morning news. Then they break in to the normally cheery morning news crew on WISH TV 8, there has been an airplane hit one of the twin towers. They are showing video of it, and I yell for my sister to come see. I believe there were a few clients that came into the grooming room to also see what was going on. They keep showing this video of this....AIRPLANE....not like some kind of military plane, or a little tiny plane, but like the big jets you board to go across the country! It was surreal. As we are watching them show this over and over, suddenly a live feed breaks in......ANOTHER plane, we watch it hit that skyscraper, right there, live, on television. LIVE, I am watching this and thinking to myself, oh my God, all those poor people, oh my God. I felt sick. I wanted to throw up, I really did. The chain of events to follow are really hazy to me in the coming hours, but I remember seeing those twin towers being hit just like it was yesterday. Anyone who knows me knows I am never speechless, but at that moment, I was. 

So as all this is happening, we are trying to work, but we did not get much work done. I bet we stood and stared at that little TV set most of the work day. I think the hardest part, of course, was to see the towers begin to fall. I cannot tell you if it was 5 minutes later, or 5 hours later, I really do not know. It was like everything stopped after those towers were hit. I can remember watching it, you can see people jumping to their deaths. That was very hard to watch. I am thinking, I am watching this persons death, right here on TV. Oh God. Please get me through this day. All I want to do is leave here and get back to my home where I feel safe. So after finally finishing all of my grooms for that day, I got in my car to leave. DAMMIT. Out of gas. (I was remembering then how a few clients came in and said we better get gas NOW or we are gonna be paying out the ass later! WHY didn't I listen?) So I pull my little black 92 Buick Regal out of the parking lot, head towards home, just needed to stop to get......oh wow....what is that line for? HOLY SHIT!!!! THERE ARE DOZENS OF CARS LINED DOWN 10TH STREET FOR GAS!!! Crap!

So after sitting in this huge line for gas, and after having to shut off my car, to save gas, while waiting, I finally get close enough to see the PRICE! :::THUNK::: OK, this is crazy! But I gotta pay it, or I'm not going anywhere. When I pulled up, I remember how crazy people were acting, like EVERYONE was in a huge hurry, and one weird thing, in all that line, I really didn't hear people screaming at one another, or honking....none of that. It was really, really, REALLY quiet. People were getting in, getting gas, and getting out, without a word. That scared me.

One thing I forgot to mention about this day, September 11th, 2001. It was a BEAUTIFUL day. It was one of those pre-fall, Indiana afternoons. The sun came up that day, like any other day, but there was something I could sense when I left for work that day. Back then I did not know what the feeling was, but now I do. DREAD. But the sun was shining, there were a few puffy clouds floating in the air, and that sky was so blue....I cannot remember seeing the sky being that color of blue ever since that day. The air, when you breathed it in, you knew it was there. You felt alive, and it felt good.

Once I had gotten some gas, and gotten F'ed at the pump, I made it home. The whole way home, my mind was just racing. Terrorism. TERRORism. What a perfect description for what that word meant. I was terrified of what was going to be happening to our world. What the HELL just happened??? Oh my God, I saw people DIE today on LIVE TV. Oh God, those poor people, their poor families. How will they ever be even identified, or their remains even FOUND? And my thoughts kept going back to all of the heroes that went in there to save people, and they lost their lives in doing so. All of those NYPD and NYFD, and those civilians who risked their lives to make sure others lived. TRUE heroes. They died because they were not thinking of themselves, they were thinking of those people. At that point, we had NO idea how many had died, all we knew is these people went to work, just like I went to work that morning, but they did not get to go home as I was doing. 

Being home did not really help much, I held my dog tight, and my cats. My then husband got home from work, we watched the TV. It was impossible to find anything that was NOT about this tragedy, on the television. So I had to turn it off. I could not watch another video of the plane hitting, or the man jumping, or the people running with the plume of smoke following them. I just could not do it any more. So I took a candle, took it outside, and lit it. When I went outside, I noticed that most of my neighbors were also outside. It was so quiet. You didn't hear any airplanes going over like usual. Not really any cars driving around. People were just standing around in the streets, on the sidewalks, with these....blank....looks on their faces. How are we supposed to feel right now, I thought to myself. All I could feel was numb. But that night, I began friendships with many of those wonderful people that continue today. Even since I have long moved from that area, divorced that man I was married to, I still remain friends with all these kind souls. All because of 9/11. I may have not struck up these friendships had it not been for this event. So much of my life changed after that fateful day. I believe it was my "sign", as they say, to do something good. That candle I lit that evening burned for 3 or 4 days. I was glad to see that day end, but the days to come were no better, they brought on a range of so many feelings. 

I wonder, in the ten years that has passed, what has this country learned? What has it gained? Have we become a closer knit nation, who cares more for their fellow neighbor? Well, it seemed to be heading in that direction, didn't it? People were so NICE to one another. They really CARED about someone other than themselves. We had become such a greedy country, all about ourselves, and that had changed. Myself, I had decided to go into the volunteer search and rescue field. I decided to train my German Shepherd mix, Jasper, to be a search and rescue dog. I saw so many volunteers using their K9's to locate people, and human remains. I want to do SOMETHING to help people, something. This is what I can do. So I became a K9 handler, joined a group, and worked very hard. I always wonder where I would be right now, had it not been for 9/11? Would I have straightened myself out, and went into helping people? Doubtful. I, like most others, was more focused on my own problems, my own issues, to be bothered with anyone elses problems. I was very selfish. But I was a changed person after 9/11. Many were. But it seems as if most people have gotten back to that selfish life again. Has everyone forgotten? Can you forget this in 10 years?

While I do not believe everyone has "forgotten" 9/11, they have all moved on with their lives. I understand, I have as well. I retired my K9 Jasper, and started a bloodhound, Jersey Joe, in 2006. Now my life revolves around bloodhounds, and search and rescue. I have been in and out of a few SAR groups, this one I am now in has become smaller, as we did have to weed out a few who were not in this for the right reasons. What we do is not about US. It is about helping bring a missing person home, either alive, or so that they can be laid to rest by their families. That is what we do, and is what I will do until God decides otherwise. I have met some wonderful people, and have met some evil people. If anyone ever tells you that Satan is not on this earth, I will tell you that you are wrong. He is, and he is all around us. He is polluting the minds of our children, and the world around us. He is making them weak, and I do believe that God is losing right now. I so wish we had that love for one another, as we did back after 9/11, but people just don;t care anymore. In a world of the internet, social media, video games, and being able to get anything we want RIGHT NOW, we are not talking to our neighbors anymore. Not going out to enjoy what God has given us. Each day is a gift, and we don;t even appreciate it. Instead we complain about what we DON'T have. Well, anyone who knows me knows that I am not an overly religious person. I went to Catholic school growing up...nuff said!!! But with this upcoming anniversary, I really have one wish. That people can come together, like they did 10 years ago. Just doing random nice things for people that they don't know....just BECAUSE. When you wake up this Sunday, September 11, 2011, I want your thoughts to go back to that fateful day, ten years ago. Remember all the people who have lost someone, whether it was in those twin towers, the air planes, the Pentagon, or in this neverending war. Pray for them, and pray for our country. And do something nice for someone just because.